Crazy Diamond

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Remember when you were young,

you shone like the sun.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Now there's a look in your eyes,

like black holes in the sky.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

You were caught on the crossfire

of childhood and stardom,

blown on the steel breeze.

Come on you target

for faraway laughter,

come on you stranger,

you legend,

you martyr,

and shine.

You reached for the secret too soon,

you cried for the moon.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Threatened by shadows at night,

and exposed in the light.

Shine on you crazy diamond.

Well you wore out your welcome

with random precision,

rode on the steel breeze.

Come on you raver,

you seer of visions,

come on you painter,

you piper,

you prisoner,

and shine.

Pink Floyd, 'Shine On You Crazy Diamond'

I'm a crazy diamond.

Almost lost it whilst sitting in an all day strategy meeting.

We had a facilitator - one of those little professional dudes who helps disfunctional management teams stay on track, get things accomplished, etc.

The guy decided to do an "ice breaker".

We had to go around the room and share what we did over the summer that was non-work related and fun.

Vera and her husband went hiking in Peru.

Paul and his wife visited Italy.

Luisa and her husband bicycled in Captiva Island.

Ivan, his wife and kids went to DisneyWorld.

Luis, his wife and kids went sightseeing in NYC

Henry, his wife and kids went to Busch Gardens.

And then it was my turn. Well I told them about the Maine 'bago - my visit with my widda buddies. I noticed that the room got quiet as I was speaking, explaining what a 'bago was, and it suddenly dawned on me that tears were streaming down my cheeks as I spoke.

Totally out of the blue.

Well it DID break the ice....I guess. The facilitator dude just gave me a toothless smile and nervously started into his presentation and not knowing what else to do, I got up for a cup of coffee. My boss followed after me a few minutes later to make sure I was Ok - and I was just bewildered.

First time that ever happened to me. Embarrassing.

I guess that I try so hard to act like this whole widow thing is no big deal when I'm at work. But everyone knows that I'm coming up on the 1-year anniversary - I mean, they were all so involved the day I found out Rich died, so they all 'know'. And I think about 50 of my co-workers/employees attended his service...which was amazing.

So anyway, I try to act like it's no big thing, but obviously it IS a big thing.

A thing that's apparently so much bigger than me.

No matter how hard I try to act like I'm fine and everything is fine, uh, I guess it's not so fine.

Or at least my acting skills require some improvement.

In 9 more days it'll be my wedding anniversary. And in 19 days, the big whoop-dee-doo - a year since I last saw Rich.

posted by oren_ishii at 7:33 PM 1 comments