November 29th 2005 - such a weird time for me, full of mixed emotions.

Part of my experience is surreal...no other way to describe it, really. It's like I'm going on and living my life, and then all of a sudden the realization that "Yes, Rich is really gone for good" pops into my head. It's typically ephemeral- almost like a subliminal frame flashing through the filmstrip in my head.

I'm thinking ahead to the holidays, and wondering what it's going to be like this year.

According to the wisdom of our widowed-elders, year two is "much worse" than year one.

You're anesthetized by grief during that first year.

But year two? All bets are off. Raw emotion, baby.

I'm in an unusual situation, I suppose. I'm already living a new chapter in my life - yet there's a part of me that occasionally turns to look back at where I used to be...

So I've decided to have Christmas eve at my house this year. My turf, my friends...and unfortunately my cooking...

I'll do the traditional Italian fare - dei pesci. Latins and Italians celebrate Christmas on the 24th, so being a traditional sort of girl (heh), I'll stick with that game plan.

And hopefully, I'll even have furniture....I'm still without anything besides two rolling computer desk chairs and an air mattress! The new stuff should be here by mid-December, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

Well, time to try and sleep. I have an appointment with the MOHS doctor tomorrow and need to be somewhat refreshed in order to get through my long list of questions (so doc, while you're peeling off layers of cancerous skin, think you can do anything for my wrinkles??? hehehe)

posted by oren_ishii at 9:20 PM 0 comments